In case you needed further proof that the human race
is doomed, here are some reportedly true label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
Some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating
On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine
Do not drive car or operate machinery
On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: may cause drowsiness
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use
On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
From Mish:
SOME TIME-HONORED TRUTHS:
1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
4. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
5. I doubt, therefore I might be.
6. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
8. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
9. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
10. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
11. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
More jokes: From Bill, Sarah, Barbara, Carolyn, Tim, Sue, Sandy, Karen, John, and even Tom!
