by Thom Kellar
Kenny the security guard
strongly suspected
time was running out on his "dream"
recent weight gain and hair loss
had prompted him to take action
like the great Robert Johnson,
decades before
he had decided on the "Crossroads"
he would go there
and try to cut a deal with the Devil
he picked up his autographed, limited edition,
Jimmy Page Model, Gibson SG Double-Neck
and started walking
upon arrival, the first thing he noticed was the crowd
it was like a Macy's Day-after-Christmas Sale
pure chaos and desperation-people everywhere
the area had undergone extensive development
on one corner a Crossroads strip mall
on another a Hyundai dealership
across the street
there was a Quick-Rip convenience store
and facing that,
Buster's house of body piercing and tattoos
the flow of cars was controlled
by a newly installed 4-way traffic light
proving the tax-payer's money at work
the throng waiting to see Satan was massive
the sidewalk looked like
a narrow black tributary of guitar cases
a guy with plastic horns and pitch fork
was working the crowd
selling "I made a deal with the Devil" T-shirts
Kenny noticed a sign bordered with red flames
warning all would-be guitar Gods to "take a number"
he took one
somebody with a bull horn announced
"84 please step forward"
Kenny looked down
he was holding 742
that was OK-he was determined-he would wait
minutes later, a short, fat guy,
with a Mohawk approached
"Hey, I can t stick around
you wanna buy my number?"
"What do ya got?"
"99"
"How much you want?"
"25 bucks"
"I only got 20"
"Sold"
the guy took Kenny's money
slipped him the ticket
disappeared into the crowd
when the bull horn barked "99"
Kenny and a Kurt Cobain look-alike,
with a Japanese copy, Fender Strat,
both stepped forward
"Two 99 s? That can't be" said the Devil
he looked hard at each ticket-then turned to Kenny
"You idiot, this is 66
your number has already been called
get moving"
Kenny fell to his knees
"Cut me some slack" he begged
"I ve been ripped off
just give me 60 seconds
let me show you what I can do"
Satan rolled his eyes-he had heard it before
Hell was already overcrowded
"OK, 1 minute and then you're out of here"
Kenny scrambled for the Gibson
he had been practicing hard-his chops were up
he felt good-his fingers flying across the fret-board
16 bars into Van Halen s "Hot for Teacher"
he heard something snap
trying not to stop, he quickly realized
the D and G strings were broken
The Devil started to laugh
"How can I be expected to negotiate
with someone who has so little to offer,
and so little to lose?"
Kenny was devastated
"But I just put new strings on this morning"
Satan wasn't listening
turning to the fake Cobain/Stratocaster guy
the Prince of Darkness, took a deep breath,
and yelled "NEXT!"
Copyright 1998 by Thom Keller. Not to be reproduced or distributed without permission
